It's Never Easy
by SapphiresAndPineapples
Summary: He had gazed at her beautiful face, now so pale...he had gently brushed a strand of hair back into place with his finger, feeling the coldness of her skin. He had stroked her cheek and kissed her forehead one last time, and whispered a final "I love you Jules." before being called outside. /Please Review/


**_Authors Note: _**_Hey there! This was my very first fanfic, so...please be nice? Or not, whichever you prefer, but i'd prefer nice. ;) Oh and by the way, i have some ideas for a possible continuation of this one-shot into a multi-chapter fic. So depending on how it is received, i might expand. Don't forget to review! :)_

I.V.'s were beeping in the distance, and Shawn could see a bright light beyond his eyelids as he slowly regained consciousness. He opened his eyes and saw a pristine white ceiling, and then he noticed the too-clean smell that can only be inside a hospital. Shawn took a deep breath and immediately a sharp stabbing pain flared in his left side. He gritted his teeth and breathed in sharply, drawing the attention of his dad who was sitting in a chair next to his bed.

"Shawn, oh thank god you're finally awake. We were starting to get worried." Shawn looked at him and said "What's going on, why am I in here?" Henry stared down at the floor and didn't respond. "Dad, where's Jules and Gus?" Shawn was getting concerned now. Why wasn't his dad saying anything?

After another five seconds, Henry looked back up at Shawn and finally responded. "You remember the case you were working on?" Shawn nodded. "Well…after some investigating you discovered that it was actually Hudson who was in charge of the operation. You also were able to locate their hideout, which turned out to be a long abandoned warehouse just outside the city. You, Gus, and Juliet went in there and she called in backup before you entered. You three searched the building and found a lab of sorts for building the bombs. But there was a pressure plate…and Gus stepped on it."

Shawn shook his head and stared up at the ceiling, mouthing the word no. "The bomb was also timed at thirty seconds. Gus told you to go, but you refused to leave. And as much as Juliet didn't wasn't to leave Gus, she had to get you to safety. She had to pull you away, and the two of you were able to get most of the way out, but not completely, before the bomb went off. You were thrown by the force of the explosion, and you both had broken ribs and some nasty gashes. You had some shrapnel embedded in your side, and a support beam had fallen on Juliet and she had a broken leg as well. There was…nothing left of Gus to find."

Shawn was having trouble speaking past the choking lump in his throat. "Where is she dad?" When Henry didn't respond, Shawn turned his head to look at him and repeated "Where's Jules?" Henry sighed and his heart wrenched for his son, and the pain that was all too evident in his moist eyes. "Unfortunately, one of her broken ribs punctured a lung, and there was severe internal damage. They were able to repair the lung, but there was no way they could've stopped the internal bleeding."

Shawn's breathing hitched and he looked back at the ceiling once more, feebly trying to prevent the tears from inevitably streaming down his cheeks. "You had lost a lot of blood, and you've been unconscious for two days. Juliet had them put her bed right next to yours, and she held your hand for almost that whole time. She was dying and all she cared about was that you made it out alright."

Shawn couldn't take it anymore. He rolled slightly onto his side away from his dad as best he could and let the tears flow. His body started jerking as he wept quietly. Behind him, he heard his dad say, "I was with her the whole time Shawn, and she was in no pain. She wanted me to tell you how much she loved you. And she did…very, very much."

Shawn didn't hear his dad leave the room, didn't notice the pain in his side…because nothing could stem the overwhelming pain in his heart. He had just lost the two people he cared about the most, and he couldn't even be with them when they left. Shawn never got the chance to tell Gus that he was like a brother to him, that was never meant to hurt his feelings whenever he teased him meanly, that he never trusted anyone more than he trusted Gus, even Juliet. That he could tell Gus anything, pour out his innermost being to him, and feel so secure…

Then when he thought of Juliet, he couldn't breathe. He couldn't believe he had been so close. He head held her hand, he had been right next to her…but he wasn't really there when she needed him most. He never had a final moment with the one woman he ever truly loved, the one woman he would gladly die for. He never had one last chance to tell her that he loved her more than life itself, that she inspired him to be a better man, that he was so sorry for everything he had ever done that hurt her…that he should be the one dying in that uncomfortable hospital bed and not her. Not her…

It was _his_ fault that Gus and Juliet were dead. _He_ was the one who "divined" the location of the warehouse, _he_ was the one who should have known those guys were too smart to leave their base unprotected, _he_ was the one who insisted that Juliet accompany them in case the purps were in the building. Shawn hated himself right now…damn his stupidity, damn that shrapnel. Shawn finally broke, and sobbed into the pillow. His heart was broken, and he wasn't sure it would ever heal.

_**Three days later**_

Shawn stood at the front of the crows with Lassiter, Chief Vick, his dad, and McNab. Each of the others grabbed a handle on Juliet's coffin, and began the long march down the grassy aisle. Shawn walked alongside the coffin; he couldn't really help since he would normally still be in the hospital. Aside from the occasional wince, Shawn's face remained expressionless, though it was impossible to mask the pain in his eyes.

Gus's funeral was yesterday, and it was short. They placed a plaque after the ceremony, but to Shawn, it seemed like Gus was still being underappreciated around here. Or maybe it was just because Gus never got to do all the things he wanted to do in life, and Shawn never got to say goodbye. The seemingly endless flow of tears that he had cried over the past few days had finally ebbed, but the ache in his heart, however, had yet to numb, and had in fact gotten worse.

Lassiter had caught the terrorists the day after the explosion, but that gave little comfort. Shawn rarely managed to fall asleep, and whenever he did his dreams were filled with Juliet. He still couldn't believe she was gone, and he would never see her again. Before the funeral, the Chief had allowed him one final moment with Juliet before they closed the coffin.

He had gazed at her beautiful face, now so pale…he had gently brushed a strand of hair back into place with his finger, feeling the coldness in her skin…he had stroked her cheek and kissed her forehead one last time, and whispered a final "I love you Jules." before he had been called outside. They had asked him to say a few words, but Shawn had declined. He had a sneaking suspicion his tear ducts were dry, but he didn't trust himself to start talking about Juliet without losing it.

After carrying Juliet's coffin to the prescribed spot, Shawn took his place in the row of police officer's closest to her next to Lassiter, who didn't look at him. It was clear that Lassiter blamed him for Juliet's death, and Shawn felt like he couldn't agree more. They had both lost their partners that day, and such a traumatic event that should have brought them closer together had in fact destroyed all feelings of friendship between Shawn and Lassiter. Shawn wouldn't have been surprised if Lassiter had pulled his gun on him right there and shot him.

The guns started firing in a final salute to a fine and beautiful detective, who dedicated her life to making the world safe for those she cared about. As the last gunshot rang through the air, Shawn felt the final piece of his heart break. And as he said a final goodbye to his Jules, the woman he would never ever stop loving, he almost swore he could hear her soft gentle voice behind his shoulder, whispering "_I'm right here with you. Forever." _

Shawn smiled slightly at the memories of his beloved Jules as they flooded his heart and mind. One last tear slid down his cheek, and he knew he would eventually be able to move on. It would take time—_a lot_ of time—and a big part of his heart would _always_ belong to Juliet O'Hara. He didn't know if there was someone else out there he could be happy with, he actually doubted so, but he was willing to try. Because that was what his one true love—his Juliet—would want.

Shawn looked at the sky and closed his eyes. He saw his beloved Juliet standing in the sunlight with her hand outstretched toward him, with that dazzling smile beaming from her beautiful face and her radiant blue eyes saying it all. She would wait for him, and one day they would be together again.

Shawn smiled at the thought. Then he remembered something that a friend once told him.

That the best things, the richest things, aren't supposed to come easily.

҉҉҉҉҉


End file.
